Marriage is meant to be a fresh start, a chance to build a happy life with your spouse. But what happens when past relationships still affect your present? Holding on to feelings for an ex can keep you emotionally stuck, preventing you from fully committing to the love and happiness you deserve in your marriage.
In this post, we’ll discuss how exes can impact your marriage and provide 10 simple, actionable steps to help you move on, heal, and focus on building a stronger, happier relationship with your spouse.
How Exes Can Affect Your Life and Marriage
Exes aren’t just part of your past; they can still have a strong effect on your present and future, especially when it comes to your marriage. Here’s how:
1. You Stay Stuck in the Past
If you’re still thinking about your ex, it’s hard to focus on the present. You might find yourself replaying old memories or wondering about “what could have been,” which keeps you from connecting with your spouse in the here and now.
Impact: This emotional attachment to the past prevents you from enjoying your relationship and building new memories with your spouse.
2. You Struggle with Trust
Unresolved feelings for your ex can make you feel insecure in your current relationship. You may start to compare your spouse to your ex or feel jealous when your spouse interacts with others, even if there’s no reason for concern.
Impact: This creates unnecessary stress and weakens the trust and emotional bond in your marriage.
3. You Feel Jealous or Anxious
Thinking about your ex can lead to feelings of jealousy or anxiety, especially if you feel threatened by your spouse’s relationships with other people. You may also feel like you aren’t good enough, even when your spouse shows you love and affection.
Impact: Jealousy and anxiety can cause tension, prevent you from enjoying your time with your spouse, and create emotional distance.
4. You Can’t Fully Commit
If part of your heart is still with your ex, it’s difficult to commit fully to your spouse. You might hold back from deepening your emotional connection, or hesitate to make future plans together.
Impact: Emotional distance makes it hard to build a strong, lasting relationship and can prevent your marriage from growing.
5. You Compare Your Spouse to Your Ex
If you’re still holding on to your ex emotionally, you might start comparing them to your spouse. Whether it’s looks, behavior, or personality traits, comparisons like these can create dissatisfaction.
Impact: Constantly measuring your spouse against your ex builds unrealistic expectations, leaving you frustrated and your spouse feeling undervalued.
6. You Struggle with Emotional Overload
Unresolved emotions from a past relationship can leave you feeling drained or upset, which makes it hard to fully invest in your marriage. You may feel sadness, anger, or confusion that you haven’t dealt with properly.
Impact: Emotional overload can make it difficult to think clearly, prevent you from fully appreciating your spouse, and strain your relationship.
7. You Overreact to Small Issues
Unresolved feelings for your ex can cause you to react strongly to minor issues in your current relationship. A small disagreement might trigger feelings of insecurity or frustration from your past, leading to disproportionate emotional reactions.
Impact: Overreacting to small problems creates unnecessary tension and conflict in your marriage, making communication difficult.
8. You Can’t Love Your Spouse Completely
If you’re emotionally attached to your ex, it’s hard to give your full love and attention to your spouse. Your heart and mind are divided, preventing you from experiencing the deep, meaningful connection that makes a marriage strong.
Impact: A lack of emotional investment prevents you from building a truly fulfilling relationship with your spouse.
10 Effective Ways to Move On From Your Ex
Now that we’ve seen how exes can affect your marriage, here are 10 practical steps you can take to let go of the past and focus on creating a healthier, happier future with your spouse.
1. Give Yourself Time to Heal
Healing from a past relationship is a personal process that takes time. Don’t rush it—allow yourself the space to feel your emotions and work through your thoughts at your own pace.
Tip: Healing is not about forgetting the past, but about accepting it so you can move forward and focus on building a new life with your spouse.
2. Stop Comparing Your Spouse to Your Ex
Your spouse is not your ex, and comparing the two isn’t fair to either person. Every relationship is unique, and your spouse has qualities that make them special in their own way.
Tip: Appreciate your spouse for who they are, rather than measuring them against someone from your past. Embrace their strengths and focus on the love you share.
3. Set Boundaries with Your Ex
If you’re still in contact with your ex, it’s time to set clear boundaries. Limiting or stopping communication will help you emotionally detach and allow space for healing.
Tip: Consider unfollowing or blocking your ex on social media, deleting old messages, or even avoiding places where you might run into them. These small changes can help you move on from the past.
4. Focus on Your Personal Growth
Invest time in growing as an individual. Pursue hobbies, work on self-improvement, or focus on your career. The more you build a fulfilling life on your own, the easier it will be to move on emotionally.
Tip: When you prioritize your own growth, you create space to fully invest in your marriage and form a deeper connection with your spouse.
5. Talk Openly with Your Spouse
If you’re still struggling with feelings for your ex, be honest with your spouse. Share what you’re going through so that they understand and can support you through the healing process.
Tip: Transparency and open communication will strengthen your marriage. Your spouse will appreciate your honesty and may offer reassurance or help as you work through your emotions.
6. Forgive and Let Go
Holding on to anger, guilt, or regret from past relationships only weighs you down. Practice forgiveness—both for your ex and yourself. This is crucial for emotional freedom and moving on.
Tip: Forgiveness isn’t about excusing past behavior; it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional baggage so you can focus on the future.
7. Unfollow Your Ex on Social Media
Social media makes it easy to keep tabs on your ex, but this can prevent you from truly letting go. Unfollow or block them to avoid temptation and create emotional space.
Tip: Cutting off digital connections with your ex can make it easier to focus on the present and stop comparing your life to theirs.
8. Create New Memories with Your Spouse
Building new memories with your spouse can help you shift your focus from the past to the future. Go on trips together, try new activities, or make time for shared hobbies. These experiences will strengthen your bond.
Tip: Prioritize spending quality time with your spouse and invest in creating positive memories together.
9. Consider Therapy
If you find it difficult to move on, therapy can help. A professional counselor can provide guidance on processing your emotions and overcoming past attachments, which can help you focus on your marriage.
Tip: Therapy is a valuable tool for healing and can help you develop strategies for emotional growth and improved communication.
10. Be Patient with Yourself
Healing takes time, so don’t rush the process. Be patient with yourself as you work through your emotions and move on from the past. Celebrate the small victories along the way.
Tip: Trust that every step you take toward healing counts, and be kind to yourself throughout the journey.
Embrace the Future You Deserve
Your exes may have been a part of your past, but they don’t need to define your future. By taking steps to move on and heal, you can focus on building a happy, healthy, and fulfilling marriage with your spouse.
Letting go of the past isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary for a stronger, more loving relationship. Focus on the present and the future you want to create together, and you’ll find that the more you invest in your marriage, the stronger it will become.
